THE UNEXPECTED
by Freak Apple
Summary: I have to warn you. . .I was in altered state of mind when I wrote this. What do you mean ALWAYS?? Anyway, see what happens when Freak Apple tries something sneaky. . .wackiness ensues!! Oh, the OOC bliss. . .how I love thee. Oh my god I wrote ch.2 RUN
1. NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION

DISCLAIMER: I'm ashamed to say that I do not own the Animorphs. I am even MORE ashamed to say that I DO own this story. . .  
  
NOTE: . . .For some retarded reason my parents want me bedridden til August. So0o0o0o0o I'm getting restless. . ..and when I'm b0red, scary things happen. Like this story for example. Anyway, yeah, I know this has been done (lots and lots and lots and lots of times) but give me a break. I've already memorized "pi" up to 57 decimals, planned out the rest of the story THE ISLAND, read the 5th Harry Potter book, discovered the meaning of life, formed images with the lines on my wallpaper, AND invented new lyrics to every Good Charlotte song ever so that they involve lobsters and mustaches. I have nothing else to do, so I'm doing THIS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! **pauses to breathe** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!  
  
Freak Apple - It appears to be a normal day in Cassie's bedroom, here in the nifty town of Denver, Colorado.  
  
Cassie - What? We live in California!  
  
Freak Apple - Noo, no one knows where you live. Derrr, Cassmeister!  
  
Cassie - But in the last book-  
  
Freak Apple - EH!  
  
Cassie - K.A. Applegate said-  
  
Freak Apple - YOU WILL NOT MENTION THE LAST BOOK IN THE PRESENCE OF THE ALMIGHTY FANFIC AUTHOR!!!  
  
Cassie - But-  
  
Freak Apple - EH!  
  
Cassie - It hap-  
  
Freak Apple - **flicks Cassie in the forehead** Shhh!  
  
Cassie - The book happened, Freak Apple! Face it!  
  
Freak Apple - **turns Cassie into a deoderant stick by clicking tongue and pulling earlobe** Okay, now let's try this again. If you answer incorrectly I will put you in my brother's wrestling locker. Do you want that to happen?  
  
Cassie - **does nothing**  
  
Freak Apple - Okay, since you can't talk I will assume you understood. Now, did the last Animorph book ever happen?  
  
Cassie - **deoderant opens and starts to apply itself on the tabletop, writing out the word "NO"**  
  
Freak Apple - Good. Now where do you live?  
  
Cassie - **deoderant writes "Cali-"**  
  
Freak Apple - Uh-uh! **threateningly reaches for Cassie**  
  
Cassie - **deoderant quickly crosses out previous word and writes" DENVER"**  
  
Freak Apple - Excellent! **clicks tongue and pulls earlobe, turning Cassie back to a person**  
  
Cassie - You're insane!  
  
Freak Apple - No, that's Marco's line!! **snaps fingers and Marco appears in Cassie's room**  
  
Marco - What the-  
  
Freak Apple - Say I'm insane.  
  
Marco - Why?  
  
Cassie - **whispers** It's Freak Apple.  
  
Marco - **eyes widen** Oh n-  
  
Freak Apple - BACK TO MY STORY!! **snaps fingers and Marco disappears** So, Cassie is alone in her room here in DENVER, leafing through a magazine titled "Let's Examine Owl Vomit!"  
  
Cassie - I think that was an article, not a whole -  
  
Freak Apple - SILENCE!  
  
Cassie - **whimpers**  
  
Freak Apple - She is doing this absently, because she is considering breaking up with Jake.  
  
Cassie - WHAT!?  
  
Freak Apple - You heard me. Now stop talking to me, you can't talk to me I don't exist in your world.  
  
Cassie - Why would I break up with Jake!?  
  
Freak Apple - **rolls eyes** Okay if I show you, will you stop interrupting me?  
  
Cassie - **Nods**  
  
Freak Apple - **snaps fingers** look out the window.  
  
Cassie - **looks down to see Jake shirtless on top of Melissa Chapman** OH MY GOD!  
  
Jake - **gets up, confusedly** What the - I was playing video games. . .  
  
Freak Apple - No you weren't! You were purposely cheating on Cassie to get back at her for taking care of that 3-legged squirrel that you thought was possessed by evil monkey-witches!!  
  
Cassie and Jake - . . .what??  
  
Cassie - **whispers** it's Freak Apple.  
  
Jake - **looks startled** Oh, my go-  
  
Melissa - Who are you guys talking to? And why am I no longer playing with my cute-yet-annoyingly named cat,  
  
Fluffer McKitty?  
  
Cassie - **in a really creepy possessed-like tone** HERR. . .! **points at the ceiling**  
  
Freak Apple - She's not major enough in the series for me to put in my fanfictions, for now. Be gone, inferior character!! **snaps fingers and there is a loud BOOM and a bolt of lightning**  
  
Melissa - **sits on ground, hair fried and skin charred** I'm still here. . .  
  
Freak Apple - Hmm, I wonder why that didn't work? **tries again and there is another clash of lightning and bolt of thunder**  
  
Cassie - Wait you got the thunder and lightning mixed up.  
  
Freak Apple - **turns Cassie back into deoderant**  
  
Jake - It didn't work. **points at the pile of ashes on the ground**  
  
Freak Apple - Ah well. Anyway, as I was saying, Jake and Cassie are about to get into a heated argument while discussing their futures. Cassie does not feel she is able to forgive Jake for cheating on her.  
  
Jake - But YOU made me-  
  
Marco - **slams through the door and is panting like a fat dog on a hot day** You guys!! Freak Apple. . .she's here. . .**gasps for breath**  
  
Jake - Duh.  
  
Freak Apple - And Marco bursts in to stop Jake, who is so engulfed in despair that he wants to morph a tiger a eat himself.  
  
Marco and Jake - What?!  
  
Marco - **Grabs Jake's shoulder** Dude, don't do it.  
  
Freak Apple - **cackles** all is going according to plan. . .  
  
Rachel - **busts in Cassies room** Hey Cassie, let's go shop. . .. ping **sees Jake shirtless, Marco clutching his naked shoulder, a pile of ashes, and a suspicious looking deoderant that goes on clear and doesn't stick.**  
  
Cassie - Wait, if I go on clear, how was I writing earlier?  
  
Freak Apple - You be quiet. Deoderant can't talk.  
  
Rachel - Holy crap, is that Freak Apple!?  
  
Everyone - **nods**  
  
Rachel - Oh no. . .  
  
Freak Apple - WILL PEOPLE PLEASE LET ME FINISH MY STORY!? **snaps finger and Ax appears, holding the blue box. Tobias is perched on his shoulder**  
  
Ax - Ellimist?  
  
Marco - No, Freak Apple.  
  
Ax - Oh n-  
  
Freak Apple - Oh shut up. Now, Ax had arrived holding the Escafil device for no apparent reason.  
  
Ax - Why would I-  
  
Freak Apple - But then, in a EDGE-OF-YOUR-SEAT-BUTT-SLAPPING PLOT TWIST. . . **snaps fingers and a teenage girl walks into the room. She has dark blond-brown hair, stoned-looking eyes, and looks amazingly like. . .**  
  
Jake - Is that. . .FREAK APPLE!?  
  
Freak Apple the Fanfic Author - Yep, that's me.  
  
Rachel - **Looks back and forth between the Freak Apple character and the Freak Apple author.** Oh crap. . .  
  
Marco - This is insane.  
  
Freak Apple the Author - **slaps Marco's back** that's my boy!  
  
Freak Apple the character - Hello I'm new. I'm just innocently walking around this strangers house looking to be involved in something dramatic. Hey, what's that blue cube?  
  
Freak Apple the Author - Ax, who is holding the cube, tries to hide it, but he fumbles because of his weak Andalite hands.  
  
Ax - My hands are NOT-  
  
Freak Apple the Author - **slaps the box from Ax's hands and it falls to Freak Apple the Character's feet**  
  
Freak Apple the Character - **picks up the box, unknowingly gaining the power to morph** Whoa, I feel as if I have just been unwillingly dragged into something much larger than myself!!  
  
Marco - NOOOO!!!  
  
Rachel - WHAT THE HELL, THIS IS A SELF-INSERTION FIC!?!?!  
  
Jake - MARY SUE ALERT!!  
  
Freak Apple the Author - Uhhh. . . .what will happen next?? Stay tuned for the next chapter of THE UNEXPECTED!!  
  
Tobias - Hopefully I'll have more lines in the next one. . .  
  
Freak Apple the Author - Don't count on it.  
  
Tobias - Whyyy?? **whines**  
  
Freak Apple - Hawks are scary.  
  
Cassie - **sits and does nothing because she is a stick of deoderant**  
  
Ax - What is this? Is this food? **reaches for Cassie-oderant**  
  
- - - - -Yeah, yeah, flame me who cares. I just had to get this out of my system. **reverts back to serious mode. . . .and giggles** Hehe, right. . .like I have a serious mode. . . 


	2. THE END OF FREAK APPLE

DISCLAIMER: Uhhhm, am I the only person here who puts a different disclaimer on every single chapter of every single story? o0o0o0o0o0o, I need to get me one of those "life" thingies. . .

NOTE: People think I'm above self-insertion fics. That's sooo weird because no one ever said I was "above" ANYTHING before. Just wanna say thanks and I'm blushing, see? **blushes** Anyway I still have nothing better to do, so I will continue with my incomprehensible ramblings aka this story. OH yeah, and there is some cussing here so if that bothers you turn around and cover your ears. Not to mention VERY slight sexual implications. . .

Freak Apple the Author – It is the next day. Cassie is so angry at me for turning her into a deoderant (and getting bitten by Ax) that she is in the barn mercilessly tying two geese together with her shoelaces and laughing as they try to squawk off in different directions.

Cassie – That's horrible! I'd never do that.

Freak Apple the Author – How many times do I have to say you can't talk to me?! I'm the almighty fanfic writer! Now shut up before I make you gay and fall in love with Melissa Chapman.

Cassie – Why do you always pick on me?

Freak Apple the Author – Because no one else does. Anyway, Jake enters the barn, hoping to patch things up with Cassie. **snaps fingers and Jake appears**

Jake – Freak Apple's still here!?

Freak Apple the Author - **makes a angry face** What you don't like me? That's it. **snaps fingers and makes the Mary Sue, aka the Freak Apple self-insertion, walk into the barn**

Freak Apple the Character – I AM THE LEADER OF THE ANIMORPHS, HEA ME ROAR!!!!

Jake – Leading? I thought I was the leader?

Freak Apple the Author – Oh yeah. I forgot.. Freak Apple won all of your over with her dazzling personality, so now she's the leader. And a very good one too.

Rachel - **bursts in the barn** I want to kill the yeerks!!!!

Freak Apple the Character – Shut up.

Rachel - **sits in a corner and knits sweaters for the homeless**

Jake and Cassie - **blinks lots of times**

Freak Apple the Character – Yes I can do that. Me and the almighty fanfic author are tight.

Freak Apple the Author - **snaps fingers**

Ax – What am I doing here?

Freak Apple the Character – Oh Aximili, hug me! **hugs Ax**

Freak Apple the Author – Hug her back.

Ax – No!

Freak Apple the Author – DO IT! **snaps fingers and Ax's eyes get all swirly like those hypnotizing thingies**

Ax – I-LOVE-YOU-FREAK-APPLE-MARRY-ME-SO-WE-COULD-HAVE-SOME-BLUE-FURRY-CHILDREN!

Tobias - **flies in** I'm getting lines in this story!!

Freak Apple the Author – No you're not!

Tobias – Oh come on, please?

Freak Apple the Author – NO STOP BOTHERING ME! **snaps fingers and Tobias turns gay**

Tobias - **runs towards Ax**

Freak Apple the Character – Heck no, no that's weird!

Freak Apple the Author - **snaps fingers and Marco appears**

Marco – Ax, I'm here to confess my secret undying love for you!

Freak Apple the Character – Almighty author, do something!! **wraps arm around hypnotized Ax**

Freak Apple the Author - **snaps fingers and Marco and Tobias run to each other** Keep it PG, okay?

Cassie – You are soo gonna get flames for this.

Freak Apple the Author – Silly Cassie, don't you know that its not the quality of the review but the QUANTITY that counts? My ultimate goal is to get infinity reviews!!

Cassie – Infiniy isn't a number!

Freak Apple the Author – Hush, child! **snaps fingers and Cassie turns into an ugly duckling**

Rachel – Holy crap, that is a one oogleh duckling **pokes it with a knitting needle**

Jake - **looks around in horror as Tobias and Marco. . .uh. . .hug, Rachel continually stabs the ugly duckling, Freak Apple gets Ax to morph human so they could do the unspeakable. . .**

Freak Apple the Author – No unspeakable here! I don't care if you are me, this is a PG fic! You may kiss heavily though **sighs happily**

Jake – You ruined the series!!

Freak Apple the Author – Hush or your going to be an uglier duckling.

Marco - **stares at Rachel's bodacious ta-tas**

Tobias – I thought you were gay!

Marco – I never said that.

Freak Apple the Character – Ow!

Ax – I'm sorry, that tasted like food.

Freak Apple the Author – I said PG! Sex scenes make me blush.

Tobias – I hate you Marco!

Marco – I hate you too!

Tobias and Marco - **catfight**

Freak Apple the Author – STOP! EVERYONE STOP OR EREK WON'T GET TO COME IN WITH THE STARTLING NEWS!

Jake - **smirks** Guess you're not all powerful, huh? **points at Rachel poking Cassie to death, Marco calmly plucking Tobias, and Freak Apple and Ax starting to - **

Freak Apple the Author – **gets an idea**. . .SHIT!!!!!!

Everyone - **stops what they are doing and gasps**

Rachel – Did you just say – 

Jake – No Rachel don't say it! We can't!

Marco – we can't curse?

Jake – No!

Marco – Why?

Jake - . . . . .

Freak Apple the Author – Only I can curse because I'm almighty.

Rachel - . . .sh-sh-shit. . .

Everyone: **gasp**

Marco: We CAN curse!!! **starts to curse up a storm**

Rachel - **curses**

Everyone - **curses**

Freak Apple the Author – Nooo! You can't do this!! Stop!

Jake - **smirks** Not so all powerful, huh?

Freak Apple the Author – Yes I am! 

Jake – Then how come you can't even use BOLD TYPE? 

Freak Apple the Author– Uhh. . .

Jake – And how come you can't make pretty page breaks like Jinako-Chan?

Freak Apple the Author – I. . . .

Jake – And how come all of a sudden we can say SHIT!

Freak Apple the Author - **gasps and backs away** Y-y-you can't do that!

Jake – Oh yes we can. You made us. You wrote this.

Freak Apple the Author - **confused**

Jake – Aaaand to top it all off, you're not even that weird!

Freak Apple the Author - **gasps and falls backwards**

Jake – Your NORMAL compared to . . **Aelle, the queen of insanity walks in**

Aelle - **grabs a 5 pound sack of sugar and eats it, all while grinning superiorly at Freak Apple**

Freak Apple the Author – No0o0o0o0o0o0o!!

Aelle - **grabs Marco and frenches him senseless**

Freak Apple the Author – No0o0o0o0o0o!!!

Aelle - **grabs Freak Apple and forces her into an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt with little frilly thingies**

Freak Apple the Author – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Jake – I think it's time you retired, Freak Apple.

Freak Apple the Author – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Jake - **snaps fingers and Jinako-chan appears with her legion of kitties**

Freak Apple the Author - **tries to hide behind fingers**

Jinako-chan – YOU MADE MARCO GO WITH _TOBIAS_!?!? **sics the kitties on Freak Apple**

Aniangel – **appears** You look stoned!

Stink E. Burrito - **appears** You turned to the dark side. **screams** SELF-INSERTION!!

Sara McGregor - **appears** You made me snort!! **snort**

Megan Sleevewillow - **appears** and you almost made me choke to death on my corn!

Jake – **makes all the reviewers disappear** Now what, "all-powerful fanfic author"?

Freak Apple the Author - **whimpers, tears Freak Apple the character off of Ax and drags her away** Wait, as my last act as a fanfiction author I first need to. . .**runs into the X-Men Movie sections, grabs Shawn Ashmore, and runs away from Fanfictionland**

**Everything suddenly turns back to normal**

Jake – What are we doing?

Cassie (a human) – Waiting for Erek, I think.

Jake – Oh yeah. Right. 

**Meanwhile in some unknown place somewhere in the Universe**

Crayak sat on his big scary throne and glared down at Freak Apple.

"Freak Apple, you suck."

"Sorry." Freak Apple muttered, still holding Shawnie by the collar.

"You failed your mission. And what. . .WHAT IS THAT!?" Crayak demanded, plucking up Shawn Ashmore.

"Uhhmmmmmm. . ."

"You know, if you weren't the Drode's half cousin-in-law twice removed, I'd have impaled you by now."

"Yes, sir."

Crayak dropped Shawn Ashmore back to the ground and turned back to Freak Apple. "Now go to your quarters and prepare for your next mission. You must not fail. I need you to tamper with another existence. Something called the "Harry Potter" sector."

Freak Apple grinned and saluted Crayak "Yes sir!" before she scampered out the door, trailing Shawnie behind her.

Crayak put his big huge eyeball in his hands. "Drode, remind me never to give you a vacation again. . ."

**Meanwhile in some other unknown armpit of the universe. . .**

The Ellimist smiled down at Jake from where ever he was.

"I knew you'd handle it."

Then the semi-omnipotent being turned his head toward another sector. A dark-haired boy on a broom was chasing after a golden ball. A stoned-looking girl with Shawn Ashmore tied to her hips was chasing him.

"Oh, no."

THE END. Uhhh, I'm thoroughly confused, how bout you? Anyway, yeah, it's done, yay! Okay, bye. . .Oh wait, I hope some of you guys don't mind that I used your names. It's just that I read those reviews and they made me laugh. Hehe **snorts** I made Megan choke on corn, hehehehehehehe.


End file.
